Wednesday, 17 November 2004

What the hell was that?!

Okay, I have to admit that the last entry was a little depressing.

Tomorrow is my birthday and every year I seem to go through this self-evaluation of my life. As if somehow my life hasn't measured up to my expectations.  Then the more I think about it, the more depressed I get.

Life doesn't always turns out the way that you think it should. That's the key word...think.

As a child, there is no real world.  There's play time. And then you grow up to realize world isn't always sunshine and lollipops. It's like believing in Santa Claus. One day you discover that he's not real. You're hurt or angry or just feel plain cheated. Because at that moment, there's no magic anymore.

Anyway, as I sat there feeling this incredible self-pity, I wrote the last entry. Of course, I slapped myself silly afterwards. I mean, what the hell was I thinking?! Life is never great. You make adjustments as you go and there will always be problems to overcome.

I guess I've been procrastinating so long that all I can do is bitch about this rut that I've created for myself. There's some safety in knowing what lies ahead from one day to the next. But I really do long for those days when I would just be spontaneous. It was fun. There's something very liberating in it.

I'm just hoping for a better tomorrow. But I have to make it happen on my own.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I still have to discover who I am. What do I want most out of life and what's most important for me?  Not the secrets of the universe and the whole "why are we here" thing. Just things that will make make me happy. And I guess that's just what everyone else is trying to figure out. At least I know I'm not alone.

So, as Sydney Freedman from M.A.S.H. said so appropriately, "Take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

B

Posted by brookside10 at 10:34 AM MST | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Sunday, 14 June 2015 5:56 PM MDT

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